Round 3 and he asked me, “Do you believe in soul mates macha?” and I smiled knowing that it’s going to be a looong night 😉
He had just broke up with his girl friend [Third in 2 yrs] and almost every time he would say the same thing,” She is my soul-mate dude, she fits in perfect” and few months down the line, we would sit in a bar and perform an autopsy to figure out where he went wrong.
Having done that a dozen times with many other friends of mine, I guess I have enough cognisance to post this:
There is nothing wrong in the idea that there is one person (or just a few), who is uniquely compatible with you and feeling that the right relationship should “just work out”, with both of you loving each other easily as you are.
Apparently, the belief in soul mates is pervasive. A major chunk holds tight to the idea of romantic destiny. Ultimately the question remains whether the belief ends up working out? Do people who look for a soul mate find them? Do soul mates live “happily ever after”?
My inference is “NO”
People who believe in romantic destiny (soul mates) primarily look for positive emotional reactions and initial compatibility with a partner. Eventually it tends to drive soul mate searchers to be intensely passionate and satisfied with partners at first, particularly while things are compatible. Finding those initial commonalities and connections will feel like magic. It will be an excellent emotional high, at least until the illusion of perfection lasts. However, when problems arise, believers in soul mates often don’t cope well and leave the relationship instead. In other words, a belief that soul mates should be ideally compatible motivates individuals to just give up when a relationship isn’t perfect. They simply look elsewhere for their “true” match.
Ultimately, no one is perfect or a perfect fit for a partner. It takes work, growth, and change to keep a relationship going and satisfying over time. When that happens, soul mate believers often become upset, disillusioned, and uncommitted. Therefore, if an individual find themselves repeatedly falling in love with their so called “perfect” partner, only to be disappointed later and dumping them soon after[ *swallows* Did I sound like TR?], maybe their belief in soul mates should be at blame. The repercussions may include,
- It may cause them to give up when things are not perfect (but may be still good).
- It may motivate them to not compromise, work, or change, when others don’t love them completely for being exactly as they are.
- It may continually drive them to believe that life would be more satisfying with someone else and endlessly look for a more compatible partner, rather than working to fit with, and be satisfied by, a very good one.
[Remember Thalaivar’s dialog from the movie JHONNY ? 😉 ]
Believing in soul-mates might very well become a motivation killer to work out a relationship successfully on the other hand adopting a staunch belief in romantic growth is more rewarding if you are looking for a long term relationship. Only then can two people work together, grow, evolve, and meet each other’s needs on a longer run .
In short “FALLING in love is good but GROWING in love is far better and more yielding “ 😉